No, I Haven't Been Beheaded As Of Yet

Yeah, I know. Not funny, is it?

But here's something that is funny! Just for the record: when I very occasionally look to see what brought people to my website incompararables, if that is, indeed, a word - I find that the most common linkage, time and time again, is not because I turned up on a search regarding President Bush, politics, grumpyness, grumpiness, The CIA, Richard A. Clarke, or even Mel "Fauking" Gibson - although I am showing up on Mel Gibson Google searches in Japan, apparently.... and actually rather high on the list, too! Gee, I'm sort of surprised I don't get more people over there coming to my site. Guess Mel ain't the rage he is over here.

No, the linkage, or whatever you call it, that brings hits to my site (get this)...

... is a joking reference I made quite a few weeks ago to an old U.S. television program called "The FBI" from the 1960s that starred an actor by the name of Efram Zimbalist Jr. The joke was in the title of an entry where I was making fun of a pilot television program called "Homeland Security" and I entitled my brilliant piece "The FBI starring Efram Zimbalist Jr... In Color!"

The joke was sort of meant to put the newer program into the same sort of "proganda" genre, if you will, as that decidedly popular offering that starred Mr. Zimbalist, Jr. I have no way of knowing if the "Homeland Security" will ever appear as a series. But let me tell you, "The FBI" starring Efram Zimbalist, Jr. was so popular on the network, and in re-runs, that I can recall classmates carrying metal lunchboxes wherein the art on the box was entirely dedicated to "The FBI" series, including the logo used in other forms of advertising for this Hollywood effort.

And, of course, anyone within earshot of a televison in America would have heard, at one time or another, the proud declaration provided at the very beginning of each program, where a very chipper and excited man's voice would exclaim " 'The FBI' starring Efram Zimbalist, Jr... In Color! " at the very start of each exciting hour long episode.

It was once common for Hollywood programs to make a big deal when their programs were "In Color" and they had those words very often printed as part of the opening title card somewhere in the lower half of the screen. Aside from the rather wizened look of Mr Zimbalist, Jr., I can remember almost absolutely nothing about "The FBI" program, aside from the very large cars that they drove. And the automobiles were in color, too. When the show was new I was probably a little too young to want to watch that sort of program, and, besides, "Dragnet" was only thirty minutes.

However, I was rather fascinated with the James Stewart movie called "The FBI Story" when I was younger, but I was usually fascinated by anything with James Stewart in it, because I was always wondering whether or not anyone could be so personable and nice, all the time, as he usually was. I probably saw him in "Harvey" the first time, and, of course, he never gets mad in that one. So I guess I was wondering if his strange voice and his niceness were for real. I think I might have confused him with Mister Rogers, when I was really young. Of course, James Stewart's great forte, as an actor, was eventually getting to a scene where his character would become surly, embittered, angry, and disillusioned.. and it would come as quite a shock, wouldn't it? Gee, I certainly hope I won't have to resort to that approach to get more feedback to these tirelessly amusing romps of mine on this blog thing. I mean, shit, folks, what does it take??

Anyway. I don't happen to know what Efram Zimbalist Jr's forte, as an actor, was. Maybe it was being in "The FBI" program, because the only other time I recall seeing him was pitching for the Christians.. I think I've seen him on "The 700 Club", or on one of those evangelical Christian broadcasts that I was looking at for my amusement, or I also may have seen him in an advertisement for orthopedic mattresses. And, yet, although I can't say I'm a great fan of Efram Zimbalist Jr., someone, some lone, crazed "Zimbalist Jr. Head" keeps coming back.. or maybe it's a disassociated group of those obsessed with Efram.

So, perhaps someone can tell me.. is it spelled "Efram" or is it spelled "Efrem"? I've been intrigued enough with these hits from whomever it is out there doing Google searches on this guy, that I've looked it up. And, you know what? Well, I'll tell you - I've seen it spelled both ways from credible sources, so I'm completely stupid regarding how to spell this f*cker's name! And I'm not being nasty, Efram/Efrem.

Oh. Hey. Maybe it's the man, himself, coming to see, yet again, if I've made another reference to him. Well, not around here, Efram/Efrem. Nyah. Go do your egomaniacal cybergrazing elsewhere, ya creep. Gees. Actors.
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original content copyright 2004 by the author. any likeness to actual persons, living or deceased, without satiric intent, is unintentional and a tremendous coincidence.